Past life, future tense
by Vynot7
Summary: While Eric was able to scrub most of the footage from the shooting a few stations were running a live feed. Most people barely noticed another shooting in LA, but one person would notice, and make a call to an old friend about a girl.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own them, just seeing how much trouble I can get them into.  
**  
"Seriously Kensi, a dental hygienist? That's worse than the male nurse. Was it the dentist chair? I always wondered if those are good for, well you know. I mean it's a little narrow, but the angle would be interesting." Deeks voice drifted off, he was lost in thoughts of dental chair hook ups.

It was the end of the day, the bad guys were caught, and the partners were resuming the banter that was rudely interrupted this morning by a former marine trying to start his own homegrown terrorist cell.

"Don't go there Deeks, he was sweet and he gave me free toothbrush samples. Good dental hygiene can be sexy." Kensi flashed her pearly whites.

"Oh yeah, it's right up there with long walks on the beach and a good sense of humor in all the playmates turn ons"

"Miss Blye, if you would be so kind as to join me in my office please" the voice of their fearsome leader rang out into the bullpen, from where, the partners had yet to determine, cutting off Kensi's reply.

Deeks and Kensi both jumped. "Be right there." In a whispered aside to her partner "How does she do that?"

Deeks shrugged casually acknowledging the mystery that is H. Lange. Leaning in he smiled lazily at Kensi and replied."I told you not to borrow that dress from wardrobe, she always finds out." Kensi shushed him and headed toward Hetty's desk as Deeks voice followed her, "I hope the free toothbrushes were worth it!"  
Kensi sat down in the chair that Hetty motioned to.

"Would you have a cup of tea with me?" Hetty asked as she poured a cup and extended it to Kensi.

"I am not really a tea person Hetty"

"Indulge me then." Hetty again offered the cup.

Kensi accepted hesitantly and took a quick gulp only to start sputtering."Hetty, that is not tea!" Kensi managed to gasp out between coughs.

"It is common to offer a fortifier before delivering startling information, though I should have warned you to sip first, my apologies." Hetty motioned to the cup again, Kensi managed a small hesitant sip this time.

"So you have startling news for me? What's going on Hetty?" Kensi was starting to get worried, though also relieved that this wasn't about the dress she had borrowed. Deeks wasn't wrong, the free toothbrushes wouldn't have made up for the trouble she would have gotten in.

"We received a request for contact for you." Hetty began slowly.

"Okay, which alias? What case?" Kensi fired back all business in an instant.

"The case is one involving a missing person, and no alias this time Miss Blye." Hetty handed over an open folder, the standard request for contact form required for those wanting to speak to protected agents was clearly visible.

Kensi quickly scanned the document, a small gasp escaped her lips as her body seemed to curl inward. Hetty knew exactly where she was on the paper, she'd had a similar reaction herself.

"Jack" Kensi whispered, one name with so many questions behind it. Hetty nodded.

"Just admit it G, the rock wall is not your thing, Hetty beat you, I beat you, I bet Deeks could even beat you. There is no shame in admitting weakness, some see it as a strength in fact." Sam smirked on his way to his desk as he and Callen headed into the bullpen from the direction of the gym.

"I told you my shoulder is still sore from grappling with the guy who was trying to kill my partner earlier today, or should I have let him shoot you?" Callen shot back and stretched out his shoulder for emphasis.

"Ladies, no need to fight you're both pretty." Deeks broke into their banter. "And done, another day, another report." he replied to no one in particular closing his lap top with a flourish.

"Where's Kensi? Did you finally run her off for good?" Callen asked ignoring the earlier comment.

"No G, if Kensi were that tired of him she wouldn't run away, Deeks would just stop showing up for work and we'd never find the body." Sam never liked to miss a dig at the agent whose attitude seemed to constantly rub him the wrong way.

"She's talking to Hetty." Deeks nodded his head toward Hetty's office.  
"Hetty find out about her borrowing that dress? I told her the nurse wasn't worth the trouble she would get in."

Deeks shook his head at Callen's question. "Nope, the nurse was two guys ago,this one was a dental hygienist. She got free toothbrushes."

"Face the wrath of Hetty for free toothbrushes, doesn't sound worth it too me." Sam chimed in packing his bag to go home.

"Speaking of wrath." Deeks addressed his partner as she came around the corner. "Just how much trouble are you in? Do you have to disinfect the gym again? Oh, is there a paddle involved, because if there is, I would like to volunteer."

"Not now Deeks. See you guys on Monday." Kensi nodded at her coworkers grabbing her bag and heading out the door before anyone could say a word.

Sam and Callen both turned to look at Deeks who raised both hands. "Don't look at me, I haven't said anything stupid in at least an hour...except for that paddle thing, but she looked pissed before that."

"Mr. Deeks is correct gentleman, he has done nothing to contribute to Miss Blye's current state of mind. Mr. Hanna, Mr. Callen I do believe you have a plane to catch, or did you cancel that fishing trip you think I don't know about?"

"Good night Hetty" Callen grabbed his duffle bag and Sam before Hetty could think of something for them to pick up for her. Her last favor in a foreign country had involved a grumpy snake charmer with no sense of humor and eight vials of anti-venom at the nearest military hospital.

"Hetty, is Kensi alright?" Deeks only approached Hetty after the others were out of earshot.

"Yes, in a way she is, and yet, well there are questions in our past that are better left there." Hetty quietly answered his question, but the way she looked Deeks knew that she was speaking about more than just Kensi.

"Ah, Mr. Deeks." Hetty clapped her hands together, focusing back on the present. "Do you have plans for this evening?"

"Nope, nothing more than watching tv with Monty and a cold beer." Deeks shrugged, he actually had a date, but since he couldn't remember if her name was Sara or Sabrina, maybe it was safer to cancel because of work.

"Well, if you think Monty will be okay without you, I would like to show you a file, have a cup of tea with me please." Hetty put up her hands before Deeks could object. "I already know it is not your preferred drink, but humor and old woman." Hetty turned after Deeks nodded.

A few moments later the sound of Deeks coughing echoed through the mission.


	2. Chapter 2

**I guess it must be said: Not mine, they're just fun to write about.**

Not for the first time since she had left the mission did Kensi wish she hadn't been so stubborn when Hetty offered her the file Eric had put together on Jack's current life. It wasn't like her to go into anything unprepared, especially when the file had been there, information ready. Despite her doubts, a part of her still felt like she had done the right thing, the same part of her that wanted a face to face explanation from the person who had abandoned her so many years ago.

She was sitting in her car in front of the restaurant, Hetty had made reservations after she had agreed to a meeting. It was a burger joint that was selling itself as upscale and said to be hard to get into, and very private, with oversized booths that gave the diner the feeling of having a private room. She knew all this because her partner Deeks had read her three separate reviews and had been trying to get into the place for weeks. He would be jealous if she ever told him about this.

She was early, so it caught her by surprise to recognize the man sitting on the bench in front of the building. She should have known though, Jack was the one who had started her habit of being early for everything. She smiled, remembering the arguments they'd gotten into when he set her clocks 15 minutes ahead while they were dating. The happy memory was what she needed to get herself up and out of the car, walking slowly toward the man who had shared so much with her only to leave with no explanation.

He raised his head at the sound of footsteps approaching and it took a moment before she saw the look of recognition in his face.

"Wow, you actually came." Jack took a deep breath. "I mean, umm hello Kensi."

"Jack."

"Not going to help me out here are you?" He smiled at the distance she kept between him.

"Nope." His smile nearly made her turn and run, it was what had caught her attention the first time they met and it had haunted her for a year after he disappeared, thinking she would never see it again.

"If I say I'm sorry can I get a hug, and maybe a 'it's good to see you'?" Jack raised his eyebrow and gave her a sidelong glance.

"It's good to see that you're not dead." Kensi shot back. Though she had to admit, it was good to see him. He looked healthy now, when she had last seen him he had been under weight and exhausted, a combination of his medication and the night terrors that kept him from sleeping. The man before her reminded her of the young soldier she had first fallen in love with.

Jack winced. "Not yet, though for a while there, I wouldn't call what I was doing living."

Kensi nodded still not willing to give him much of anything.

"Look, I know that I owe you an explanation." Kensi raised her eyebrow at that.

"Okay a lot of explanations." Jack corrected himself. "And it was nice of your boss to get us a table here, but I was wondering if we could get something to go? There is someone I want you to meet, or rather two someones I want you to meet."

"Two someones?" Kensi mentally kicked herself again for not reading Eric's file.

"My wife Gen and my daughter, they dropped me off here before going back to our hotel and I was hoping you would be okay meeting them. Is there a park or something around here? My daughter can't get enough of the ocean, she's never seen it before and we can't keep her out of it." Jack smiled.

It was the smile of a doting father and tugged at Kensi. She shook her head to clear away all the what if's that had run through it.

Jack misunderstood her look. "Oh and if you are seeing someone I would, well I would like to meet him." Jack said hesitantly.

"Um, seeing someone?" Kensi was still a little lost in the thought of a wife and daughter.

"Boyfriend, husband, fiancee? Any of those hanging around?" Jack spoke slowly looking slightly amused. "Or girlfriend? I know people change." He teased gently.

The last joke made her decision for her. She didn't want to be the pathetic single former fiancee in the face of Jack's new happy family.

"Yes, I've been seeing someone. He might be around, I'll call him in a minute." She thought about where they were briefly. "There is a new park not far from her it's right on the beach so your daughter should love it. It's part of a city clean up program all new street lights and picnic tables."

"Sounds perfect, I'll call Gen and tell her where to meet us if you don't mind giving me a ride?" Kensi nodded. "Great, we can order food and you can call your guy." Jack started to walk away pulling out his phone.

"Jack wait." Kensi spoke.

Jack stopped and looked at her waiting. She could tell he was worried she would call the whole thing off. Instead she walked up to him quickly and gave him a short hug.

"It's good to see you." She whispered.

Jack ran a finger down her cheek looking into her eyes. "Thank you for that."  
Kensi nodded, and Jack went back to his phone.

"One more thing." Kensi interrupted before he could make the call. Stepping forward as Jack turned to her, she swung, turning her hip and putting her weight behind the punch, just like he had taught her on their second date.

Jack shook his head rubbing his jaw. "That's more like it, call your guy. I'm getting hungry."

Kensi walked a few feet away before dialing her phone.

Two rings later a familiar voice answered. "You've reached the answering service for Marty Deeks. Please listen carefully as our options have changed recently."

"Deeks." Kensi rolled her eyes at her phone.

"Shush." Her partner admonished. "To leave information pertaining to an investigation please press one. If you are an ex-girlfirend, please hang up and call... someone else, anyone else. If you need a fake boyfriend for the evening so you don't have to face your ex-fiancee's family alone, please press three." She was sure she could hear him smirking over the phone.

"Hetty." Kensi said.

"We had tea, which was not really tea at all." Deeks replied. "Nice punch by the way."

"Of course you saw that." Kensi shook her head, looking around the parking lot for her partner. "How long have you been here."

"To your left." Deeks replied as his partner glanced up. "I got here about 10 minutes before you." Deeks shifted off of the car he had been leaning on, and started walking toward her.

"And what would you have done if we'd just gone inside?" Kensi ended the call as Deeks stopped in front of her.

"I had a plan: convince a waitress to bring my to-go order to the car and enjoy my meal listening to NPR. Monty listens all day and he has been kicking my butt when we debate." Deeks pitched his voice lower. "How do you want to play this? He has to know your not just a regular agent. It took six months and a couple of background checks to get him this far."

"I trust him, or rather I trust Hetty not to let him near me if he was dangerous. I guess we go as ourselves, just.."

"Partners with benefits?" Deeks finished for her.

"You just like saying that." Kensi smiled.

"I do."

Kensi rolled her eyes. "How am I going to explain you conveniently being in the parking lot?"

"I think he'll understand your boyfriend wanting to be somewhere close by when you meet with the guy that abandoned you. It's a protective thing, a guy thing." Deeks shrugged. "Now give me a kiss and introduce me." Deeks threw his arm around her shoulder and pulled her in for a quick kiss before guiding her back toward Jack.

It was a short walk back, but he used the time to study the man that his partner had been ready to marry. Tall, and lanky, with blond hair and blue eyes, Jack looked familiar. Deeks smirked thinking to himself that while his partner might not be his type, he was most certainly hers.

"Jack this is Marty Deeks, my partner." Kensi introduced the two men.

"And boyfriend." Deeks interjected. "The boyfriend part is still new, so she occasionally forgets." He shook hands with Jack.

After the introductions were made food was ordered. Jack seemed to take it as natural that Deeks would be close by and didn't make any comment other than a short nod when Kensi had explained that he was in the area. The drive to the park was quick and awkward, though informative. Thanks to Deeks' questions Kensi now knew that Jack's wife was seven months pregnant with their son, they lived in Phoenix Arizona, and he owned his own firm doing security consultations and employee background checks. She also learned that she was the one who initiated her and Deeks relationship, something she would smack him for later.

As they pulled up to the park she could see two figures, Deeks motioned for Jack to go ahead of them. They watched as a young girl ran across the grass toward Jack.

"She's a little over 3 years old." Deeks told his partner as they got out of the car. "It's in the file you didn't want to read, so was all the stuff we talked about in the car."

"I figured, thanks though." Kensi opened the trunk to pull out their food and stopped when a woman's voice rang out.

"Mackenzie, be careful!" Gen's voice rang out. Gen, Jack had informed them was short for Genevieve, his wife thought her given name was too much of a mouthful.

"Did she just call her..." Kensi started to ask.

"Yep." Deeks answered leaning against the raised trunk.

"It was in the file?" Kensi frowned.

"Right again." Deeks waited.

"Maybe it's coincidence?" Kensi was kind of hoping.

"File didn't say." Deeks reply earned him a punch in the arm.

"Maybe Gen chose the name, or maybe it has no connection to me at all, it could be nothing." Kensi was on a roll.

"Sure, it could be nothing, could be coincidence, or it could be that your ex-fiancee named his first-born after you. Either way this is way more entertaining than going out with Sara." Deeks handed Kensi a bag and took one himself, then slung an arm over her shoulder as they headed toward the family in front of them.

"I thought her name was Sabrina?" She said, wrapping her free arm around him waist.

**Sorry this took a bit to update. Thanks again for reading! **


	3. Chapter 3

Jack turned as Kensi and Deeks reached the rest of them. Taking the bag from Kensi he motioned to the noticeably pregnant woman coming to stand beside them.

"Marty, Kensi, this is Gen my wife, and Mackenzie my daughter."

Kensi reached out to shake Gen's hand. "Nice to meet you and congratulations."

Gen nodded. "Kensi? As in.." She looked toward her daughter and then up at her husband.

"Just Kensi." Kensi finished for her.

Gen looked uncomfortable and started toward her husband, Deeks intercepted her quickly holding out is hand and introducing himself.

"Hi, I'm Marty, though Kensi just calls me Deeks. It's our thing I guess, all couples have one. You look fantastic by the way, your husband said you're 7 months pregnant?" Deeks was rambling.

"7 and a half months, though I feel like it's been longer." Gen replied.

"Well you look fantastic, I mean if this one and I ever get that far." Deeks motioned back toward his partner who was glaring furiously at him."I hope she looks as good as you, I mean some women really let themselves go and you should see her with a box of donuts." Gen couldn't resist and smiled in spite of herself.

Deeks felt someone tugging on his jacket and looked down into the blue eyes of Jack's daughter. She was small with a heart shaped face and long slightly curly blonde hair. He smiled and kneeled to stand in front of her.

"Hi Mackenzie, can I help you?"

"You have a doggie?" Her voice was quiet.

"I do, his name is Monty. He's a bit of a mutt, but he's very smart." Deeks pulled his phone out to show her a picture of Kensi and Monty he had taken recently.

Mackenzie seemed to like what she saw. She stared intently at the picture before nodding to herself. "You marry Kenzie?" She asked looking up at him.

"Umm, well we just started seeing each other so, maybe um someday." Deeks coughed and looked at his partner for support. Kensi only shook her head with a smirk on her face.

Gen was the one who saved him. "She's asking if you'll marry her."

"Wait, what?" Deeks was confused.

"She wants a dog, you have a dog. Gen and I joke all the time that since we are married we share everything, so Mackenzie has decided to marry someone with a dog." Jack enlightened him.

"Awww Deeks, and you thought no one would ever ask." Kensi teased her partner.

"I guess being wanted for my dog isn't the worst thing." Deeks smiled, and turned back to the little girl who was patiently waiting for his reply.

"I think we might be able to work something out without marriage being involved. Why don't I get our dinner and you, your mom and I can go eat over on the grass. I can tell you all about Monty and I heard you like the ocean?"  
Mackenzie nodded and Deeks continued.

"You're in luck, because I'm a surfer and the ocean tells me all of it's stories. If you want I can tell them to you?" Mackenzie nodded again and looked up at her mother.

"It sounds good to me. I think I'd like to see some more pictures of Monty too." Gen took her daughter's hand and headed over to the spot Deeks had pointed out leaving him to grab their dinners.

"Thank you." Kensi shouldn't be surprised by now, at how good her partner was with children, but it still caught her to see the kids react so well to him.

"No problem, I think you two probably need to catch up anyway. I'll try not to get engaged, or give up Monty, but no promises." Deeks grabbed the food and turning to see Gen staring at them reached back and pulled Kensi in for a long kiss.

"Be good you two." Deeks smacked her behind for good measure before turning and trotting back to his new audience.

Jack turned to Kensi. "I like him, you guys seem pretty comfortable around each other."

"Yeah, he's a good guy." Kensi agreed before grabbing her dinner and sitting down. "I believe you owe me an explanation. Oh and Mackenzie?" Kensi jerked her head in the direction of the little girl her partner was currently entertaining.

Jack sat down with a heavy sigh. "When we found out Gen was having a little girl I asked her if we could use the name of a friend I had lost. She assumed it was some one who had died overseas and I never told her differently." Seeing Kensi's shocked expression he continued. "You have to understand, I wasn't planning on seeing you again, ever. I figured it was a good way to honor your memory."

"Woah, so you killed me off and planned on never seeing me again? I should have aimed lower when I hit you."

Jack held up his hands and scooted a bit farther away from her. "That came out wrong. Let me start again, from the beginning, when I'm done you can hit me if you still want too."

Kensi just nodded, glaring at him.

"I guess it started a couple weeks before that Christmas." Jack began rubbing his hands over his face before he continued. "I felt like I wasn't getting better and the more I tried the worse it got, I couldn't stand the idea of disappointing you and the pressure just made everything so much harder."

"But I never..." Kensi started to protest before Jack interrupted.

"No you didn't. And that almost made it worse. You were perfect, always willing to do whatever I needed and never asking for more. It only made me realize how messed up I was. By Christmas eve I'd had enough. I put one of my sleeping pills in the hot chocolate I made you."

"That's why I never heard you." Kensi said more to herself. She had always wondered, when Jack had come home she'd developed the habit of being a light sleeper, but that night she'd never heard a thing.

"I wanted you to rest, and I didn't want you to try to stop me." Jack was speaking to the table now and Kensi had to strain to hear him, but she didn't want to stop him. She wanted and needed to know what had happened that night.

"I, uh, well the truth is I was going to end it all and I didn't want you to stop me. Jack spit out the words in a rush.

"What? Why?" Kensi had been prepared to hear the story of how he left her, not that he'd drugged her so he could take his own life.

"After you were out, I left you a note, and went down to the beach. I always loved the ocean, sometimes it was the only place I felt calm after I came back, and I didn't want you to be the one to find me." Jack looked up at Kensi, who nodded for him to continue.

After a deep sigh he spoke quietly. "I couldn't do it, I tried, but in the end I just couldn't pull the trigger. I thought that it was a sign that I was getting better, I was so happy, I smiled the whole way home thinking that we were going to celebrate Christmas together and I was going to get better."

"But we didn't." Kensi stated flatly.

"No, we didn't." Jack agreed sadly. "I got home and destroyed the note that I had left, you looked so peaceful sleeping, I didn't want to risk waking you up so I slept on the couch."

Jack looked up suddenly. "Do you remember that reindeer you bought? The one with the red nose that played that stupid song?"

"I remember you throwing it away a couple of times and me rescuing it. You were kind of a grinch that year." Kensi agreed.

"It was so annoying." Jack said in his own defense.

"It was, but I liked it. I couldn't find it after you left. I figured that you'd managed to throw it away for good, and by then I had other things to worry about." Kensi looked pointedly at Jack.

"Point taken, I had one of the nightmares that night, I was back in the war zone, fighting and I couldn't see, there was so much smoke and dust. I was chasing someone down an alley when it dead ended. I had raised my weapon to fire when I heard that stupid Christmas song in the reindeer's high pitched voice. It was enough to wake me up."

Jack looked into Kensi's eyes, wanting her full attention for what he had to say next. "I woke up a foot away from the bed with a loaded gun pointed at your head. If I hadn't kicked the reindeer, you would be..." Jack drifted off unwilling to say it even after all these years.

"Why didn't you ever tell me." Kensi reached across the table to put her hand on his arm.

"Because you wouldn't have left. Your a fighter Kensi, you don't give up and you don't like to fail. You wouldn't have left and I couldn't take the risk, I couldn't take the risk of what could happen next time. I packed my bag and left 20 minutes later, I took the reindeer as a reminder. In fact I still have it in my office." Jack gave her a small smile.

Kensi took a minute to wrap her head around the information. "You didn't trust me?" She asked quietly.

"I didn't trust myself." Jack replied.

"You didn't leave a note."

"I thought it would be easier to just disappear. You were tough to avoid though. Once you had just missed me. I pretty much drifted from couch to couch for 6 months or so. I even gave my guns away, haven't touched one since."

Jack continued. "I was working odd jobs and living out of hotels for about a year. After a while I heard about a new in-patient treatment program in Arizona and I figured since nothing else worked, it was worth a try. 18 months later I felt like a new man, I met Gen when I showed up for my weekly therapy. She's a nurse, she was volunteering at the VA hospital, 3 months in we found out she was pregnant with Mackenzie and the rest is boring history." Jack finished placing his hands in front of him on the table and looking sideways at the woman he used to know so well.

"You never thought that I would want to know you were okay, that you weren't on the street, in a ditch or worse?" Kensi spoke carefully.

"Oh Kensi." Jack sighed, scrubbing his face. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but you were, are a reminder of a man I'll never be again. He died a long time ago and I spent a long time making peace with that. I can't go back, I've worked so hard to build a new life as the man I am now and I just..." He stopped. "I'm so sorry Kensi."

Kensi bowed her head for a long moment, not sure how to react. "Why now? If you couldn't see me, why here, why now? I mean why drive 7 hours with your happy little family to tell me that you never planned to look for me." Kensi stood up as she finished. It was all too much. She considered walking away, but she had already come this far.

"Mike Dawes called me. I don't know if you remember him or not, I stayed with him after I left a couple of times. He saw you on television 8 months ago, said something about a shooting when he called. I didn't think much of it, until a week later when the nightmares started again, not as bad as last time, but bad enough."

Jack watched Kensi pacing in front of him. When she didn't say anything he continued his story. "It took two weeks for me to go see my shrink, he's the one who suggested I come see you, try to make amends or something. I didn't want to, I had put that life, that man to rest and I couldn't see what good it would be to drag everything up again. Unfortunately the nightmares wouldn't go away, and when we found out Gen was pregnant again I asked the doctor if he would make some calls for me. I was planning on coming alone, but Gen wouldn't let me, she wanted to make sure I would be okay."

Kensi had stopped pacing, she stood looking at the ground refusing to meet Jack's gaze. She didn't notice when Jack nodded to her partner who had joined them, concerned that she seemed upset. She didn't fight it, when he wrapped his arms around her and whispered for only her ears. "You okay Fern?"

"I'm fine." Kensi leaned back and looked at Deeks.

"Later?" He asked.

"Later." She promised, and untangled herself from him.

**Thank you for reading : ) for those who are waiting, I am working on roll with it, i just had to get this scene out of my head. **


	4. Chapter 4

**I still don't own the dynamic duo, though I know there are several of us who wish we did : ) **

Kensi pulled away from her partner with a sigh. Deeks stepped back and nodded at Jack.

"So, the very pregnant lady and her adorable side-kick have to use the bathroom." Deeks inclined his head toward where his dinner dates were standing before continuing, "I told them about the coffee place up the street, and since it's next to..."

"Violets!" Kensi interrupted.

"Which is why I thought you might want to go with them. Plus Jack and I haven't been able to properly puff out our chests at each other and stare menacingly yet." Deeks finished.

"You know me so well, play nice and have fun boys." Kensi chirped, her mood much lighter as she headed toward Gen and Mackenzie.

Jack and Deeks watched quietly as Mackenzie grabbed a hand from each woman, they could hear her chatting happily as they headed off toward the cleanest available bathrooms.

"Violets?" Jack turned to Deeks, his eyebrows raised.

"Actually it's called USA donuts, the owner is a chinese lady who asks everyone to call her Violet. She loves Kensi and will literally feed her into a sugar coma if I don't interfere."

"Ahhh, she's still got her sweet tooth, I guess some thing never change."

"I honestly have no idea how she doesn't weigh twice as much by now, she eats like a pro football player and still manages to fit into a size two." Deeks thought about the vast quantities of junk food that his petite partner managed to put away.

Jack motioned to the seat opposite his at the table. "Unless you really want to do that whole chest puffing staring thing?"

"Nah, no offense, but yours isn't the chest I want to see puffed." Deeks replied as he sat down.

"No offense taken, I've got to say, you don't really seem like, well you're not exactly who I expected Kensi to end up with."

"Never expected her to be slumming with a cop?" Deeks responded a bit sharper than he intended. The idea that the guy who had abandoned his partner, breaking her heart and generally shaking her faith in the human population wanted to pass judgement on their fictitious relationship was irritating.

"No, no." Jack raised his hands, "I just thought that anyone she ended up with would have been more serious, more straight-laced. She had a thing for military guys, chasing the father she lost I guess. She was kind of obsessed with him, couldn't let his death go."

Deeks turned quickly at the mention of Kensi's father, but Jack misread the look on his face. He spoke quickly. "But you guys, you know, you really seem to work anyway. Maybe she needed something different. Just an observation, that's all."

Deeks decided against educating Jack on what had happened with Kensi's dad, the story was her's to tell and she obviously hadn't shared. In a way it made him feel better that Jack was no longer important enough to be told about such an intimate detail of her life.

"Well Kensi is serious enough for the both of us. She's dealt with a lot, mostly on her own and she's still a romantic at heart, you have to admire that. Though if I never watch another John Hughes movie it will be too soon." Deeks admitted grudgingly.

"Yeah those were never my favorite either." Jack agreed. "You know, she still looks the same, older of course, but still Kensi, so why do I get the feeling the girl I knew doesn't exist anymore?"

"That's not my question to answer." He shook his head. "But I have a few for you." Deeks tone was solemn.

"Let me guess, where did I go? Why did I leave? What are my intentions now?" Jack rattled off.

"No." Deeks waved his suggestions off. "Kensi's the one who's owed those answers and as long as you told her, I'm good. " Deeks leaned forward conspiratorially, "I want the dirt, the embarrassing stories she won't tell me, I want to know what young Kensi was like."

Jack laughed, visibly relieved as he sat back. "Did she ever tell you about the night we got engaged?"

"This is Kensi, she not the most forthcoming with personal information." Deeks shook his head.

"True, even then she kept a lot about herself secret. She even let me believe that I taught her how to throw a punch on our second date."

"She said her dad taught her when she was like eight." Deeks smiled a bit envious of his partners childhood, tragedy aside of course.

"I knew something was up, no one that athletic is that uncoordinated, but she was hot and it was a good excuse to touch her if you know what I mean." He and Deeks shared a look of male comprehension that would have had Kensi punching him if she'd been standing there.

"The night you got engaged?" Deeks asked, he wanted at least one good story he could use later before his partner got back.

"Yeah, she decided to make dinner for me instead of going out like we usually did, nothing fancy because she couldn't really cook."

"Still can't." Deeks interjected, making a face. "Four words: foil in the microwave."

"That sounds about right." Jack agreed before continuing. "She put some spiced chicken dish in the oven and decided to make macaroni and cheese to go with it. I figured it was safe to go watch the game, I mean who messes up mac and cheese. The directions come with pictures."

"Obviously they never planned for Kensi." Deeks shrugged.

"Exactly, she put everything in the box in the pot, added the milk and butter and boiled. Basically she made macaroni soup, it looked pretty disgusting."

"She ate it anyway didn't she?" Deeks guessed.

"Every single slurpy bite." Jack assured him. "She wanted to prove that she hadn't done it wrong, just differently."

"I could totally see her doing that." Deeks smiled.

"The chicken turned out okay, not that she had room to eat any of it. I sat there with my chicken watching her eat bite after bite, thinking this woman is incredible. It just hit me that I'd probably never find anyone quite like her."

"She is definitely one of a kind." Deeks agreed.

"After she choked down the last bite, I got down on my knee and asked her to marry me. I didn't even have a ring, we went to the liquor store down the street and I bought her a ring pop to celebrate. Actually I bought her five, she wanted extra because she was planning on eating the first right away."

"Of course she did, I'm surprised she didn't want seven, one for each day." Deeks chuckled at the idea of Kensi with an edible engagement ring.

"Actually she did, but they only had five." Jack laughed. "I was saving up for a ring, in fact, I was going to use the money from my last tour, but when I got back it wasn't really something we focused on. We kept putting off buying it, always some doctor to meet, some new medicine to pay for. I wish that I had gotten her a ring, she deserved one, she deserved so much more." Jack finished quietly.

Both men sat in the uneasy silence, one lost in a past life, missed moments and what-ifs. The other for just a moment indulging in the thoughts of a possible future.

Mackenzie's small high voice broke through their reverie. "Daddy, Daddy, I gots donuts." She ran toward them holding out a small white bag.

"All hopped up of sugar, you are going to be fun to put to bed tonight angel." Jack caught his daughter as she ran into his arms.

Kensi and Gen followed behind at a less frantic pace, each holding white bags of their own.

"No blood, no bruises, I don't even think they've moved since we left." Gen drawled to Kensi as she pretended to examine the guys. "Shouldn't there have been some sort of fight, or at least a good shoving match to defend our collective honors?"

"Well, we thought about arm wrestling." Jack began.

"But decided on a more distinguished approach." Deeks finished.

"You distinguished? Now I'm curious, please enlighten me." Kensi folded her arms, and raised her eyebrows at her suddenly sheepish looking partner.

"Pistols at dawn was the first idea, but then there is the fact that we'd have to find pistols and seconds, and the whole getting up before dawn on my day off." Deeks was on a roll, "then we thought about good old fashioned fist-a-cuffs."

"Oh, fist-a-cuffs." Kensi repeated.

"Don't interrupt, I was very serious about defending your honor." Deeks replied as Gen and Jack watched their exchange, clearly amused on the sidelines. "Fist-a-cuffs wouldn't work, because this shirt is a loaner from Hetty." Deeks looked at his partner for back up.

"Completely understandable." She agreed.

"So we were left with a very aggressive game of rock, paper, scissors. I won naturally, several times." Deeks finished.

"I let him win." Jack told his wife.

"Naturally." Gen replied. Kensi nodded toward Mackenzie, who despite her best efforts had let a yawn slip out as she sat in her father's lap. "It looks like someone might be winding down after our walk." She was careful not too mention the dreaded "tired" word that all children seem to instinctively rebel against.

"It is past her bedtime, and today has been pretty exciting." Gen agreed as she checked her watch.

"Well then, unless you girls want to hang out and share beauty tips or something, I think we should call it a night." Deeks looked from Kensi to Gen and back again.

"I think we're good."

"Yup." Kensi nodded in agreement.

"Can I ask a favor?" Jack raised his hand slightly. He continued when Kensi raised her eyebrows. "The second security interview, the woman who came, well she threatened, or I guess suggested would be a better term, some uh pretty unpleasant things if I hurt you in anyway. Would you mind putting in a good word for me if you know her?"

"Dark hair, about so tall with glasses?" Deeks motioned with his hand.

"So you do know her?" Jack agreed.

"We'll take care of it." Kensi assured him exchanging a glance and a smile with her partner.

Hands were shaken and a sleepy girl was lifted into her father's arms, Mackenzie managed a faint protest that she wasn't tired, before giving in and blowing kisses goodbye. Deeks offered to clean everything up while Kensi walked the family to their car. He was just finishing as she came back.

"You are planning on sharing those donuts right?" He motioned to the large bag she was still carrying.

"Violet made me promise, she even gave me a couple to eat on the walk back just to make sure."

"Bless that woman, she does know you, doesn't she?" Deeks took a seat on the table he'd just cleared off. "So you think you'll see them again?"

"No, I think that they got what they came here for. Though," Kensi paused, running her hand through her hair and staring at the ground. After a moment she looked up, her face pained. "He wasn't planning on looking for me, ever. He told her that they were naming their daughter after a good friend who he'd lost. I don't see my self exactly fitting into the new life he's built for himself."

Deeks let her finish before interjecting quietly. "I guess the wrong answers are better than no answer."

"The wrong answer, that is definitely what it was. But you're right, it is better than not knowing. I just wish there had been something more. Something..."

"More like he was abducted by aliens and finally made his way back to you after all these years?" Deeks finished.

"Yes!" Kensi smiled. "Which is so wrong, but at least I would have felt better."

"Well, the night is still relatively young and we do have tomorrow off." Deeks pushed off the table, steering his partner toward her car. "What do you feel like doing?"

Kensi leaned toward him as he threw his arm over her shoulder grateful for the comfort. "Did you know that donuts and beer are an even better combo than ice cream and beer?"

"I'm pretty sure you're the only one who thinks ice cream and beer is a good idea, and I have a feeling that donuts and beer is probably disgusting, but it's your night so I'm willing to give it a try. I also happen to have some beer in my fridge."

"And a dog who has been kicking your butt." Kensi smirked.

"Don't remind me, so what do you say partner, beer, donuts, and some thrilling political commentary?"

"How could I resist." They broke apart as they got to Kensi's car.

Deeks stopped a moment tapping on the top of the car to get her attention."Hey Kens, for what it's worth, I would have looked for you." That said he quickly ducked into the car.

Kensi stared for a moment at the empty space where he'd just been before replying in a near whisper. "You wouldn't have left."

**As always, thanks so much for reading, and for those who take the time to write reviews, I really appreciate the feedback. You guys are awesome! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry this took so long to finish, especially since the end is so short, but I couldn't decide whether to end it or continue. I think it's better off finished. Thanks for reading!**

Kensi was sitting at her desk lost in thought when Callen sauntered in.

"You look sick Kensi."

"Thanks, I'm thinking." Kensi shot her desk mate a look he was very familiar with.

"Anything I can help with?" Callen figured that was the safest question he could ask under the circumstances.

"I just can't figure out how I lost. I mean, I just don't get it. She rubbed a hand over her face. "I'm definitely smarter..."

"Not to mention that whole opposable thumb thing." Deeks added as he joined them in the bull pen.

"You were playing board games with Monty again." Callen understood now.

"And she lost, I'm used to it, but Kensi just can't seem to wrap her head around it." Deeks confirmed.

"Why does Kensi look sick?" Sam joined them from the gym.

"She's perplexed, not sick." Callen nodded to his partner as a greeting.

"We told her to stop playing board games with Monty." Sam shook his head before turning to Kensi. "You need to stick with someone you can beat, you know, like Deeks."

"But he eats sponges." Kensi mumbled under her breath.

"Miss Blye, would you join me for a cup of tea." Hetty appeared from around the corner.

"Um, of course, I will be right there." Kensi stumbled through her reply, the last tea she drank with Hetty still fresh in her mind.

"Don't drink tea." Deeks hissed at his partner as she turned to follow after Hetty.

"Hetty, I really don't think that I can handle more 'tea' this early in the morning." Kensi started as she sat in the chair that Hetty motioned too.

"Rest assured Miss Blye, there is nothing more that tea leaves and water in this cup." Hetty spoke as she handed over a cup that Kensi assumed had an amusing story attached to it. "I simply wanted to inquire about your weekend." Hetty raised an eyebrow.

"Ahh, and by weekend you mean meeting with Jack and his family?" Kensi sighed and sipped tentatively at her tea.

"It is of course none of my business, however you are one of my agents. It would be remiss of me not to inquire about your well-being."

"It's okay Hetty," Kensi shrugged. "It was... well, after so long I don't think anything he had to say would have been right. But it was enough."

"Sometimes the choices we make aren't the right ones, just the best we have at the moment." Hetty steepled her fingers as she leaned back in her chair and studied her agent. "And Mr. Deeks?"

Kensi smiled ruefully. "He turned out to be helpful. And he read the file when I didn't, and should have. Thank you for sending him."

"I merely informed your partner of a situation where he might be required. You should know that I never send an agent into the field without back-up."

Kensi smiled, before hunching in a bit and turning her face away. "How do you do it Hetty? How do you handle being alone? It's never really bothered me before, I always had something else that was more important: finding out the truth about my dad, finding Jack, this job. Everything else just seemed not to matter as much."

"But seeing Jack?" Hetty prompted.

"Seeing him with a family, it was like seeing what could have been, how different my life could have been." Kensi paused before continuing, "he built himself a life with a family, and I have, well I have too much stuff in a too small apartment, and my mom." Kensi finished waving her hand in mock surrender.

Hetty stared over her steepled fingers just long enough for Kensi to start to squirm in her seat, wondering if she had asked too much. With a deep sigh Hetty reached into her desk and removed a picture frame, looking at it as she spoke.

"I find that sometimes, families form out of unlikely places, sometimes without our consent, but they are family none the less. You ask how I handle being alone, I wonder why you believe I am." That said, Hetty handed Kensi the frame over the desk.

Kensi turned it as she sat back down, her own face looked back at her, along with the rest of the team. She recognized the picture as one they had taken last Christmas. She looked up quickly at Hetty who nodded solemnly in response. A slight smile on her lips she carefully handed the picture back and watched as it was returned to it's place in the desk drawer.

"And now, I believe Miss Jones and Mr. Beale have some information for you on a new case, the others should already be upstairs." Kensi was clearly dismissed.

"Right, and thank you again Hetty."

"You are welcome Miss Blye, though might I ask a personal favor?"

Kensi turned, surprised. "Sure anything, oh you don't want me to tell the others about the picture?"

Hetty shooed away the question with a flip of her hand. "No, no, Miss Blye, that doesn't bother me, but please, in the future, refrain from playing board games with Mr. Deeks' dog."


End file.
